I used to write a lot. In fact I've started a novel three times. Can't seem to finish it though. It went in a direction I wasn't comfortable with and I can't seem to get it back to the path I want it to take. I have complete control of it yet I still can't seem to make it be what I want.
Life is just like that. We are told we have complete control of our lives by the choices we make but it's not that cut and dry. Circumstances don't always make it appear as clean cut choices. If I choose this path, there is happiness at the end or this path leads me down the road of being a crack head living in a cardboard box. The lines are much more subdued, the paths hidden. How can we see down the path we are choosing? Of course we know that if we rob a bank we are pretty much choosing jail. If we choose college is that going to get us that dream job or just a mountain of debt so that we can never move out of Mom's basement?
I've been choosing my path unintentionally, or maybe intentionally I just didn't realize it, all my life. We probably all do but I have a paper trail of my choices. As I said I've always been a writer. I have diaries and lists, scattered papers throughout my life that shows me exactly what I have always wanted and where I've wanted to go. It's kind of funny because I have pretty much made all of it happen and not even realized I was doing it. The papers get put away, the diaries closed but the words are still there. Maybe putting them on paper sealed them in my psyche and I subconsciously set out follow my dreams.
This is why looking back is always so much easier than looking forward, the trail has been cleared up to where you are standing. Try not looking so far ahead, you can't see it anyway. Plant the seeds and make your gardens around yourself and you will end up where you want to be.