I Got Nothing

In order to be a writer, one must write.  In order for me to write I feel I must be inspired.  Lately I haven’t been very inspired so I haven’t written a thing.  I’m sitting here still uninspired but I figured, fuck it, maybe it will come as I write.  

Look at that, I have a whole paragraph written about nothing.  

Maybe I can write a whole book about nothing, hell, wasn’t Seinfeld a whole show about nothing?  

I’m currently facing one of the biggest cross roads of my life, well it’s not exactly a crossroads it’s a whole cloverleaf of roads.  I am selling my gym, the one thing that has consumed me for the past 7 years.  Now I will have no job, no house (we caretake), and enough money to start over and do ANYTHING I want to do.  Only I see nothing.  Doesn’t sound so bad when I write it out like that but I am scared shitless.  What if I make the wrong decision.  What if I fuck it all up?  What if I never figure out what I want to be when I grow up?  I guess that’s ok.  I guess I can relax about the whole thing and go with the flow but the truth is I want to have a focus, I want to have something that stirs my soul.  Something that will make a difference in the world, maybe just my world but something.  I need a purpose and I feel I have none.  I have seen people without a purpose, just existing and I won’t let that be me so this is where I struggle.  Until I see something in this fog that is currently my brain I’ll keep searching so if you think of something, let me know…

Artist, dreamer, lover of life. Former gym owner redefining me.