In order to be a writer, one must write. In order for me to write I feel I must be inspired. Lately I haven’t been very inspired so I haven’t written a thing. I’m sitting here still uninspired but I figured, fuck it, maybe it will come as I write.
Look at that, I have a whole paragraph written about nothing.
Maybe I can write a whole book about nothing, hell, wasn’t Seinfeld a whole show about nothing?
I’m currently facing one of the biggest cross roads of my life, well it’s not exactly a crossroads it’s a whole cloverleaf of roads. I am selling my gym, the one thing that has consumed me for the past 7 years. Now I will have no job, no house (we caretake), and enough money to start over and do ANYTHING I want to do. Only I see nothing. Doesn’t sound so bad when I write it out like that but I am scared shitless. What if I make the wrong decision. What if I fuck it all up? What if I never figure out what I want to be when I grow up? I guess that’s ok. I guess I can relax about the whole thing and go with the flow but the truth is I want to have a focus, I want to have something that stirs my soul. Something that will make a difference in the world, maybe just my world but something. I need a purpose and I feel I have none. I have seen people without a purpose, just existing and I won’t let that be me so this is where I struggle. Until I see something in this fog that is currently my brain I’ll keep searching so if you think of something, let me know…